YES, I CRY

I know that we all want the best for our kids.  We are lucky to have such a great Opthamologist and a kid that has some vision (just not the greatest) AND the potential to make her eyes stronger.  

BUT, it is hard to watch a toddler in the examination room each month struggling to see the large letters on the eye chart. 

It is hard to place a patch every morning on her “good eye” and take away her vision.

It is hard to look at her alligator tears when she is trying to convince us to keep the patch off for just 5 minutes so she can see.

It is hard to watch her run into walls and fall off playground equipment. 

It is even harder to hear that her vision is decreasing.

For the past 3 months, our daughter has not had the greatest visits.  For the first 2 of the 3 visits, the staff thought maybe we were just catching her on bad days or on her silly moods… but I knew better.  Last week we were given the news that she needed another prescription change and is now up to -8.5 in her right eye and -1.5 in her left.  Was the 10-12 hours of day of patching not helping???  No, it is helping because both eyes are getting worse together. Her nearsightedness is getting worse because she is growing and will unfortunately continue to get worse.

I am getting better at holding it together until I get home from appointments and can remove myself from her view.  I really need to be positive for her.  But behind the closed doors, I cry.  I cry because I want the best for my child.  I cry because I want her to have every opportunity in the world.  And I cry because I feel helpless.

Then it’s time to open the door and face reality; I get to work.  I called the vision specialist.  Because Elly’s vision is doing the opposite than we had hoped and we are patching full time, they are going to qualify her for temporary vision services. Additionally, the OP said that she is sending a referral to occupational therapy as it may help strengthen the eye – so I called to schedule an initial appointment.  And last, but not least, I put a smile on my face, thankful of all the joy my daughter brings to my life and for all the opportunities she will have because we have caught her vision issues at such a young age.

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6 responses to “YES, I CRY

  1. I am so sorry and I understand! It might not be what you want/need to hear, but our Alex is back on full-time Atropine/plano lenses and he’ll be nine in just three weeks. We’ve been patching full-time (save for the two months they thought he was “finally stable”) since he was 3.5. I actually sat on him once when he was four to put the patch on because he was crying about having it.

    But it had to be done.

    He fell and got very scraped up (the school called me to come over) on his first day of Primary because he couldn’t decipher where the playground stopped and the parking lot started. He qualified for what I assume is the equivalent of temporary vision services (APSEA in Nova Scotia) and we used it. It was awesome and they thought of ways of helping him I would never have dreamed of!

    He is still struggling, but has such a happy, outgoing, kind personality; we often have to TELL people who don’t know him that he can’t see because they can’t tell.

    He plays golf, he swims and is extremely musical. He has a multitude of great friends and classmates, and going into Gr. 3 has never (to my knowledge) been teased about the fact he wears glasses.

    It’s okay to cry behind closed doors, I used to do that a lot when he was a pre-schooler. Continue to do what’s best for your daughter and don’t let her see your pain over her vision. We mommies feel guilt over everything. This is her life and she knows no different.

    You sound like you are doing everything right. We, as parents, are helpless. They WILL get hurt, they WILL face obstacles & disappointment & they WILL be better, more empathetic people because of it.

    (Stepping of my soapbox now…)

    Annie

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  2. Oh Amomofelly. This was so hard to read. You have worked so hard with Elly, and done so much good work, it has to be so disheartening to watch her have those tough visits.

    Sending lots of hugs and good thoughts your way. You’re such a strong mom.

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  3. I agree with Ann, that was really hard for me to read as well. I think we have all cried behind closed doors over our children’s vision. We as parents want the best for our children and it’s so disheartening when those visits give you worse news instead of better. However, you are doing your best for her, and because of that you are an amazing Mom. It will make her one strong little girl, and one day she’ll thank you for all the tears and worries you have obsessed over for her eyes! Keep up the good work Amomofelly!

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  4. oh Amomofelly! My heart is really with you. I totally understand and i think you are an amazing and strong woman and you would not be the caring mum you are without crying! But, you are right you are doing everthing you can and you have caught it early and you never know what is around the corner, advances are happening all the time. My prayers are with you and all parents and kids struggling with vision problems. You are not alone :). xxxxxxxx Ing

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  6. Wow that was just like reading my life what you guys have written .I found out five months ago my daught can’t see out of her right eye I still don’t want to belive it I have taken her to three different doc for different oppens ..I don’t understand how she was fine untill now she could see just fine they say it’s lazy eye but Im not convenced that is what it is does anyone have a child that ther vision just went bad at five or have they always had poor vision ?Im looking for any help I can get we are haven a MRI done this week our family doc seems to think it’s something else please somone give me some insite..Thank you..

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