Something happened, recently;

In fact, many somethings.

My baby daughter became a kid;

She started to go to school;

She got recognized for her glasses.

Back in the early days, when her diagnoses, and spectacles, were so new,

my greatest fear was that she’d be judged.

I worried that she would be ridiculed

and prayed that she would not be marginalized.

I hoped that people would be able to look beyond the tiny, wire frames that sat upon her nose,

and not see a girl who was bespectacled,

but instead, a girl who was being spectacular.

I hoped. I wished. I waited.

And then, she grew up.

She started preschool.

She met children.

She made new friends.

And, by coincidence, we found out that another girl in her class had the very same name.

I wrestled with the idea of how to tackle the name situation, as I am in the role of both mother and teacher,

and with the girls being so young, I wanted to avoid as much confusion as possible.

Should I call by daughter by her full name, although she’s used to going by the abbreviation?

Should I tack on the first initial to their last name?

But, before I could come up with the right answer,

it was handed to me;

handed to me by two, tiny, sticky, toddler hands.

A little boy in the class, for whom my daughter has the utmost affection, began to ask for her on his drive to school in the morning.

His mother shared with me that as they would pull into the parking lot, he would ask for his teachers, the puppets, and my daughter.

And he would say her name, and then, to be absolutely clear, he would modify it, by saying,

“With glasses.”

His mother told me this with a smile.

Her son loved my daughter. His friend. His friend with glasses.

And when I heard this, I was overcome with great emotion.

For all those many days and weeks and months, I had felt so worried that my daughter would not be seen for who she was

for what she could do,

and here it was: The affirmation of my fears. My kid was the little girl who was known for having glasses, and even given a nickname, as such.

And as soon as her words hit me,

I felt

absolutely

nothing

but

love.

I thought it was precious.

I felt grateful.

I felt proud.

Because for me, her glasses are just one of the many things that maker her special. And they make her special to her new friend. And they have absolutely nothing to do with why he loves her.

He loves her because she shares his obsession with animals. He loves her because they do puppet shows for one another. He loves her because they sit quietly together, in the corner, and read books. And he loves her enough to have a nickname for her. And it is true. She’s with glasses,

but she’s also with so much more.

Filed under: babies with glasses, day in, day out, glasses, kids with glasses, toddlers with glasses Tagged: how to handle bullies, mommy ever after, toddler glasses, toddler in school with glasses ]]> http://littlefoureyes.com/2012/02/13/with-glasses/feed/ 2 mommyeverafter http://littlefoureyes.com/2011/11/24/giving-thanks/ http://littlefoureyes.com/2011/11/24/giving-thanks/#comments Thu, 24 Nov 2011 03:38:06 +0000 Ann Z http://littlefoureyes.com/?p=3707 ]]> In honor of Thanksgiving Day here in the US tomorrow, I’ve been thinking about what I’m thankful for:

• A pediatrician who took seriously our concerns about Zoe’s eyes crossing.
• A pediatric ophthalmologist who we trust, and who really spends time with Zoe and knows her and her eyes.
• Patient opticians who have adjusted Zoe’s glasses countless times, and who have provided so much wonderful advice on the selection and care of glasses.
• Microfiber cloths, that are scattered throughout our house, so they’re always on hand to clean the always dirty lenses.
• Glasses that help Zoe see (and that are darn cute to boot)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  What are you thankful for?

Question:
My 26 month old son chews on the rubber nosepads on his metal frames.  I’ve lost count on how many times we’ve had them replaced.  Nothing seems to work.  The tech at the doctor says that he’s going to have to start charging me for them since we’ve cost them a small fortune.  I’ve tried soaking them in vinegar so he doesn’t like the taste and we’ve given him other things to chew on.  Nothing has worked.  Any suggestions.

…

Answer:
No worries, any optician who has dealt with children knows that this happens from time to time. It is just a phase or a new habit. Quite frankly, I know that it is more bothersome for the parent then it is for me. Changing nose pads only takes a few minutes and they cost pennies for me, but as a mom and a dad you have to take the time to come in and deal with the scrapes on your child’s nose because the pads are all chewed up. I know this is frustrating, but there is something you can do
First, let me explain that there are several types of nose pads. Each one is made out of a different material. I’ll list them here from the softest and more comfortable pads to the hardest pads (or we could say from the chewiest to least chewiest)

1. Silicone
2. Silicone with metal insert
3. Vinyl
4. Vinyl with metal insert
5. Solid Plastic
6. Solid Metal

The plan is to start from the top of the list and work your way down until you find the pad that your child doesn’t want to chew on any longer. I guarantee you child will not be able to chew the solid metal ones. I know the temptation is to go right to the solid metal ones, but I have found this is not the best approach. The softer nose pads are more comfortable and as you go down each level you are giving up some on comfort. The last thing we want is your child to not want to wear their glasses because they are uncomfortable. Once your child stops chewing for a couple of weeks the habit will be broken and you can return to the softer pads.

a very special new accessory for Bitty Baby.

Phew! My two tiniest girls are twins, again.

(Full disclosure, when I bought these Bitty Baby glasses, I got choked up. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t happy. I was just choked up. Just because it is a thing.  Hey, what can I say? It has certainly gotten easier, but it’s not always easy. I guess motherhood never is.)

Ok, Bitty Baby…time to Bespectacular.

Originally published on Mommy, Ever After

In my career as a mommy, there have been moments that I am not proud of.

Like this weekend, when I told my husband that he just had to watch the baby for a few minutes. I had something important to do.

(Really, I just had to go down to the kitchen and eat cookie dough straight from the refrigerator).

Maybe not my finest moment.

Or later that evening, when we took my daughter out to dinner.

As walked up and down the sidewalk, waiting for our food to be ready, we were stopped by a couple and their young son.

“I have to ask, how do you get her to keep her glasses on?” Asked the woman, lounging in her chair.

And in the same breath, she choked, “But she’s still sooo cute.”

And, in that moment, I loathed her. Loath is too kind a word. I hated her. I didn’t hate her for the question. The question is fair enough. In fact, it is the second most popular question we get.

I hated her for the implication. For the tone.

Why shouldn’t my daughter still be cute? She is beautiful. She is perfect. The glasses are irrelevant. Are you saying they’re not?

My words were acrid in my mouth as I responded to the woman.

“She keeps them on because she can’t see very well without them.”

And then I walked away.

My blood felt hot and my stomach felt heavy.

I did not feel particularly proud of that.

***

But, if I’m being honest, there was another moment.

A moment that I am nearly too afraid to describe.

A moment that was so painful and confusing and embarrassing that it still makes my heart hurt.

I was taking my daughter for a walk. We strolled around a beautiful, outdoor shopping complex, and as I pushed my precious girl in her stroller, we chatted and she laughed with me. I felt so happy. I felt love.

And as we walked, I saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. She looked up, studied my daughter and smiled. But, for an instant, I thought I caught a glimpse of her face contorting…I thought I saw another emotion begin to creep across her features…

And that’s when it happened;

My least proud moment:

I worried that this woman, this pregnant vessel to a new life soon to be born, was looking at my daughter and hoping that her baby wouldn’t have to have glasses like mine. I thought I saw pity in her eyes.

And then, I died inside.

Not because I cared what the woman thought–

not at all–

but because I hated myself for letting my mind go to that horrible, terrible, scary place.

I felt ashamed.

I did not feel proud on that day.

So, I gave myself a time out.

I asked myself why I read sadness or fear in the mist that had gathered in the pregnant woman’s eyes.

And in my time out, I recognized that while I have totally grown to love and accept my daughters eyes,

all four of them,

it still hurts sometimes.

It hurt when the woman in the restaurant this weekend asked me how my daughter kept her glasses on.

And it didn’t hurt because of what she was saying and how she said it,

even though it felt that way at the time;

it hurt because of how I had to answer:

“She keeps them on because she can’t see very well without them.”

It hurts. It hurts that my daughter has eyes that don’t work perfectly. It hurts that at night, when I tuck her into bed, kiss her, and tell her how much I love her, that I have to remove her glasses from her face, stealing her sight from her as she drifts towards slumber.

It breaks my heart.

But in my time out, I realized something else; I am allowed to feel crummy. I am allowed to look into the scariest depths of my anxieties, as long as I can shake them off and go on living. Because the truth is, my daughter can see.

The truth is, she looks adorable in her little pink frames with her magnified eyes.

The truth is, the pregnant woman was probably looking at my daughter with misty eyes because she was thinking,

I can’t believe I will soon have one of those. A child with whom I can walk around and talk and laugh with on a beautiful day. How lucky I am. How lucky they are.

***

And so, this weekend, as we strolled up and down the sidewalk waiting for our food to arrive, I shot a smile down to the woman who had asked about my daughter’s glasses. She didn’t mean any harm, after all. And when Another young couple with a little girl stopped us to say how cute my daughter was, I felt wonderful, and the smile that spread across my face was genuine and bright. And when they complimented her on her adorable glasses and fabulous shoes, I felt happy, as I told them, “Yes, my little girl sure does know how to accessorize an outfit.”

And once again, I felt proud.

Yes, we buy every cute glasses-themed T-shirt we see. Busted farmer's hat? Not a typical accessory.

Last night, my daughter experienced double vision. But panic soon gave way to reassurance. It was not a bad thing. Surprisingly, I haven’t lost my mind. (Though if I did, would I know it? Anywho.) Please allow me to explain.

Stella, whose vision I’ve covered here at Little Four Eyes before, just turned three. When she was 18 months old, her accommodative esotropia and anisometropia were discovered and addressed with glasses. Her stylish specs keep her eyes straight–HOORAY! We still patch a little bit, because her left eye is more farsighted than the right and so has slightly lower acuity (really, less than one line difference at last check). We’re finishing up vision therapy. Stella can catch a ball, now without using her chest to corral it. She can snag falling feathers with the grace of a major league outfielder, and hit a birdie with a racket, not so much with grace (yet) but with real and consistent contact. Her peripheral vision was opened up by the vision therapy, and her toe-walking reduced. She’s doing very well, and even asks to do our daily at-home vision therapy activities. Amazing progress all around.

Last night, when I heard her crying out from bed, I blamed the cold she’s been battling. I went in to comfort her and help blow her nose. As I leaned over her, I saw a dazed smile on her face. That’s when she said, “I see two mommies.” I looked more closely, and sure enough, her left eye was turned in. I so rarely see her eyes cross–because she almost always wears her glasses. The sight is still a punch in the gut, but I quickly put the pieces together and saw a big positive.

First off, she has a cold–the stress of illness is what brought out her strabismus out in the first place.

Secondly, she wasn’t wearing her glasses. Spec-free, all bets are off, particularly when she’s studying something up close. At least until age 11 to 13 or so, she’ll need glasses to keep her eyes aligned. The vision therapy helped re-wire her brain to always use her eyes, aligned by glasses, together. If her glasses were on and I saw crossing, only then would I have real reason for concern.

Lastly, and this felt like a big and helpful realization to me: She wasn’t suppressing the weaker eye. She saw double because she was trying to use both eyes as usual. If her weaker eye was being tuned out, she wouldn’t experience double vision. Typically, again thanks to her glasses, her eyes are aligned and work together, enabling great stereoscopy as recently measured by both her new ophthalmologist (who is wonderful) and her developmental optometrist (also super fantastic). It’s no wonder Stella found the double vision amusing and unusual. She’s used to two eyes in concert, not in conflict.

Upon further obsession (err, reflection), I was pleased with how she quickly articulated what was going on. Back when she got her glasses, half a lifetime ago for this three-year-old, she had a relatively good vocab for her age but obviously couldn’t describe her vision to me. She also refused to even look at the feather I held in my hand above her head, nevermind catch one. She’s come a long way!

All that said, last night was a good reminder about how crucial it is for Stella to wear her glasses at all times (sleep, bath, and swimming excluded). I’ll confess that sometimes, upon waking, she comes to our still-darkened room and hangs out in our bed for a bit, usually without her glasses. About time we made “glasses on!” the very first step in our day.

Now, if only she could effectively clean her glasses on her own. This cold is resulting in permanently smeared lenses! (Ew.)

A couple of weeks ago, we were out shopping for more shirts for Zoe, since she’s recently gone through a growth spurt.  We went in to Children’s Place, and Chris immediately noticed a shirt with a drawing of a girl’s face wearing sparkly pink glasses.  He pointed the shirt out to Zoe, who was also taken by it.  I rifled through the pile to find the right size, and picked it up and my heart sank.

When we first saw the shirt, we’d only seen the face, not any of the text.  The word “nerdy” hit me in the gut.  Especially since it was clear that the very bright glasses were tied to that word (both are even in pink).  But I was torn, I wasn’t sure how to address it with Zoe, who was still excited about the shirt, and I kept thinking maybe I was being too sensitive.  Long story short, we came home with the shirt, though Zoe hasn’t worn it yet, and now I’m not sure I want her to.  I know that in some ways, nerdy is considered cool now, but I hate that glasses are tied in to the nerdiness.  Glasses have nothing to do with IQ or social awkwardness, or anything other than difficulty seeing without them.  I had thought maybe we were past that – that glasses are common enough that they aren’t seen as a symbol of the nerd.  I loved Melissa’s point in her Eye Believe post about how J.K. Rowling gave her hero glasses, rather than the smart girl or the nerd.

So what do you think?  Do glasses still equal nerdy?   What other non-nerdy characters (especially kids characters) wear glasses?

I believe in Dr. Cogen because he doesn’t sugar coat things & uses lots of analogies. I believe that some of the patches smell weird & I cannot figure out why. It’s usually the green ones, but I like that color because they remind me of garbage trucks. I believe that some people probably think I talk about The Eye too much. Those people must not be moms. I believe that most people are shocked by a 1 year old wearing an eye patch, which is why they stare at us. I forget about it & usually think people are staring because I have dressed him very cute that day, or maybe he is waving at them & they are impressed with his adorable personality. I really do believe this. I believe God knew I was going to have to quit my job to patch my kid & had my mom move here to prevent that. I believe that his glasses are a magnet for dirt, smudges and scratches. “Scratchproof” -ha! I believe that we should get the senior discount at Kroger on Wednesdays because Anderson has a cataract & bifocals. Technically, he qualifies. I believe that nobody who works at Disney has a kid in glasses because if they did there would be more than one character with glasses. And, Little Einsteins is so awful, nobody watches it, so it doesn’t even count. AND, can we please get Jake & the Pirates and Jack Sparrow an eye patch? Really, is it that hard? They’re pirates! I believe in miracles, but the eye success will not be a miracle. No, no, no. It will be a hard won battle. I believe that Anderson is going to be so flexible, adaptable & empathetic in life. I believe that is not a coincidence that my son’s glasses are round, just like like Harry Potter’s. It would have been so easy for JK Rowling to make Harry have perfect vision, but she realized that true heroes always have a weakness, which makes them just a bit stronger. I will forever love her for not taking the normal path & giving the smart one (Hermione) or the nerdy one (Neville) glasses. I believe that this patching business is a routine on the best of days & an inconvenience on the worst of days & never, ever a tragedy, despite my frustrations. I believe so, so much in his little face with the one eye looking back at me.

I am wanting to ask parents of children with anisometropia whether they find their child particularly clumsy?  It is something that really plays on my mind as it is hard to know whether a certain amount of clumsiness is just part of being a three year old child who does everything at full speed or something more sinister.

Take today for example, I picked Paris up from kindy to hear that she had a bad nose bleed today as she ran full speed into a metal bar in the playground. I could see the remnants of blood in her nose and she had a nasty bruise on the bridge of her nose. Then she collided with another child later in the day.  Immediately I think it is her vision, however my husband always assures me that she is just a busy three year old and our other children did the same. It’s so hard not to worry though. I hate the thought of her misjudging distances due to her anisometropia. She is -4 in her right eye with -2 astigmatism and plano in the left so the difference is significant.  It breaks my heart sometimes.

We started swimming this summer and have been having a blast. Elliana made the decision to wear her glasses in the water and she is a fish! A couple of people have commented and asked why she is wearing glasses in the water and not goggles. Here is my current answer.
1. This is working for her. She is comfortable and having fun. She can see above and below water.
2. These Disney 187cc cable temple frames are taking a beating and still ticking – so I;m not going to mess with it
3. At this time, there are no goggles for the high rx, so we would have to get the maximum available. With her being so young, I am not sure how well the goggles would work, how soon she would outgrow them, and if she would actually wear them.

SO, fo the time being, she swims with glasses!

Also, my #2 LOVES glasses. We bought him a Build A Bear set of glasses to wear around the house. HE is a hoot and hard on the real and pretend pairs! Elly tells him that when he gets to be a big kid like her, hey may be able to get “real glasses” like her!