little four eyes

One of my biggest worries when Zoe got her glasses was how she would do with her glasses when she was at daycare.  While they’ve always been wonderful with Zoe, I was sure that they would not be interested in spending all day fighting with her to get her to keep her glasses on.  When we first got Zoe’s glasses, I asked my source for glasses advice (the lady at the glasses shop) if she had any advice for me to pass along to her daycare providers.  The woman just told me that her teachers would have to figure something out.  That was the one time I got completely unhelpful advice from that shop.  I also hoped that since I was home with her the first week she had her glasses, that she’d be a spectacle-wearing pro when she went back to daycare.  Alas, it was not to be.  There were days, those first weeks, when they weren’t able to get her to wear her glasses, and we’d find them sitting in her cubby when we picked her up at the end of the day.  Luckily, she started wearing them reliably within a few weeks, so that part didn’t last long.  Still, knowing that she and her glasses were out of my control added stress to an already stressful time.

Whether or not your child is in daycare, there will be times when they’re being watched by someone who is likely less familiar with young kids in glasses than you are.  Here’s a few tips:

Information for your child care provider about your child’s glasses:

• 

  Should kids go without glasses when playing sports? It’s often safer for them to be wearing their glasses so they can see during those activities.  (Check with your child’s doctor, or think about getting sports goggles if you’re concerned about safety)

  When should your child be wearing his or her glasses?  Or maybe it would be easier to tell them when the glasses are allowed to come off (for example: nap, bath time, face washing).

• What do you want them to do when your child takes off their glasses?   This includes what to do with the glasses during nap time, or other times when your child should not be wearing glasses, but also, how should they handle your child not wanting to wear their glasses.
• Make sure they understand how vital wearing glasses is to your child’s visual development.  Since a lot of farsighted kids can function very well with glasses, it’s easy for someone to think they don’t need their glasses.
• Make sure they know how to help your child take off and put on glasses (using both hands).
• Ask them to keep an eye out for dirty lenses and make sure they know how to clean the glasses without scratching the lenses.
• Are there any activities your child should not be doing because of their vision?  Or any activities that might be particularly difficult?  Make sure they know about it and talk with them about ways to help your child during those activities.
• If your child patches, how long should they patch, when, and what should they do with the patch when your child is done?  In this case, you should also keep them up to date on how well your child can see when patching.  There may be some activities that are too frustrating, especially in the beginning with patching.
• If your child wears contacts, you should provide similar information about when and how they should be removed.
• Are there any things having to do with your child’s vision that you want them to watch out for (for example: eyes not straight, squinting, looking over the glasses)?
• Make sure they have contact information for your child’s eye doctor, and under what circumstances should they be contacted.
• If something does happen to the glasses (or contacts), what do you want them to do with the wreckage.

Things to provide (or to make sure your child care provider knows where they are):

• Glasses case.
• Glasses cleaning cloth and cleaning spray.
• Prescription sunglasses or clip on sunglasses if necessary.  Same with sports or swimming goggles if they’ll be needed.
• Extra patches, if they’re patching.
• Contact cases and solution if they wear contacts.

Am I missing anything?  (Update:  Thanks for the great suggestions!  I’ve been adding them to the list as I get a chance)

Update:  Thank you for all the great responses.  I got some great suggestions and I’ve updated this in response. 

As I was reading through the comments on my last post (asking for favorite comments about your child in glasses), it got me thinking about the good things to say to young kids in glasses, and to their parents.  And that, of course, led to me thinking about the things not to say.  Now, I’m sure there’s going to be some disagreement on some of these things.  Different people (kids and parents alike) are sensitive to different types of comments, what one person finds funny might really upset someone else.  Still, I expect there’s some general guidelines we could pull together.  All the examples below are comments that we’ve gotten personally, or ones I’ve heard about through this blog and the facebook group.

Oh, and there’s nothing wrong with saying nothing about the glasses.  It can be really hard when a child is first starting to wear glasses, even when they’re too young to care what anyone thinks.  A lot of times parents get them to wear their glasses by distracting them with an interesting trip out and about.  Having someone point out the glasses may remind the child that the glasses are there, leading to more struggles to keep them on.  But I’ve come to the realization that sometimes, you see this little one in glasses and you just have to say something.

So let’s start with what not to say:

• 

  Yes, they're real...and with them, my vision is spectacular!

  “Are those real?”
  No, they’re just imaginary.  It’s such a silly question, and yet it’s one of the most common questions that parents of a young child in glasses get.  Yes, our children look very cute in them, but believe us when we say that we would not spend the money and effort to get our child to wear these if they weren’t needed.

• “What’s wrong with your child?”  or “What’s wrong with her eyes?“
  While it’s totally reasonable to wonder why a child is wearing glasses, asking what’s “wrong” with them is really hurtful.  It’s a pretty good bet that they’re wearing glasses because their vision needs correcting (though they could be protective if the child is blind in one eye).  You could ask why the child needs glasses, without using the term “wrong”  if it’s something that you really want to know.
• Any nonsense about glasses hurting the child’s vision, or questioning whether the eye doctor got things wrong.
  Again, no one puts glasses on our children without good reason.  The glasses are there to help our child’s vision develop correctly.
• “Poor baby!”
  Glasses can be difficult, and bad vision is nothing to sneeze at, but the glasses are correcting our children’s vision.  They’re helping them to see, they don’t need pity.
• Just pointing or staring or making mocking gestures about the glasses.
  It’s just rude.  Don’t do it.  I’m sure you were raised better than that.
• He looks so cute in those glasses!
  This seems like a nice thing to say, and yes, it’s true, our kids do look cute in their glasses, but it makes it sound like they wouldn’t look cute without their glasses, and that’s simply not true.
• She looks so smart in those glasses!
  Again, this sounds like our children don’t look smart without glasses.  And besides, glasses have a magical ability to help our kids see better, but they don’t have any ability to change our child’s intelligence (not that our kids would need it).

Things to say

• Comment on something other than the glasses
  One of the fears I’ve often heard from parents is that people will always focus on their child’s glasses, and not on them.  And that fear isn’t unfounded, the majority of comments that I hear from strangers about Zoe are related to her glasses.  So buck the trend: compliment the child’s beautiful eyes, or their smile, or their quick wit, or how fast they run, or how well behaved they are.  We’d love it.
• Comment on a specific aspect of the glasses.
  Rather than simply saying a child looks cute in glasses, you could talk about how the color of the glasses brings out our child’s eyes, or that their shape really compliments his face, or that the glasses really match her personality.  If the child is old enough, you could ask if they picked out the glasses and tell them what a good job they did with that.

If you do comment on the glasses, don’t be surprised if the child is really shy or upset by it.  Zoe is normally a talkative kid, but she often clams up when she gets comments on her glasses.

Questions

We all get a lot of questions about our children’s glasses, probably the younger the child, the more questions we hear.  A parent of a young child in glasses gets pretty good at answering questions about how they knew their child needed glasses, how on earth you get a child to wear glasses, or how they can test a pre-verbal baby’s vision.  Please ask, especially if you have a young child yourself, because good vision is extremely important, and if we can help someone catch a vision problem early, then that’s a great thing.

(Ok, not everything, that’s an exaggeration, but it sounds better than the title “Some things I know about glasses…”).  I was recently at the eye doctors for my normal eye check up.  I’d decided that I was finally going to get myself a second pair of glasses.  I could say that it’s because I want a back up just in case something happens to one pair, but I’d be lying.  I’ve found myself jealous recently of Zoe’s 3 pairs of glasses, and the fact that she gets to choose which pair she’s going each morning.  After I chose my frames, I was talking with the optician about my lens choices, when he stopped for a moment and observed that I really seemed to know a lot about glasses.  It made me chuckle, but indeed, I do know a whole lot more about glasses now.  I’ve had glasses since I was 10, but it wasn’t until we embarked on this journey with Zoe that I really learned much about glasses.

Some other things I’ve learned since Zoe got her glasses:

1. I’d never bothered to figure out what those numbers on the prescription mean.  Now I can tell people way more about what they mean than anyone probably wants to know.  Funny thing, though.  I have Zoe’s prescription memorized, but not mine.
2. I used to wipe my lenses with whatever cloth or tissue was nearby.  I know better now.
3. I also used to take my glasses on and off with one hand.  That was until we took Zoe’s glasses in for adjustment because the ear pieces were bending out, and we were both told to use both hands.
4. Speaking of adjustments, I’m no longer afraid to go in to get my glasses adjusted if they bother me.

Of course, there are a few things I still haven’t gotten through my thick skull:

1. I still forget to take off my glasses when I’m putting on a shirt with a tight-fitting neck, leaving me to struggle helplessly with the shirt half over my face, stuck on my frames.
2. That “on your face or in their case” rule that I posted recently?  I’m really, really bad at it.  The worst part being that if I don’t have my glasses on, my vision is bad enough that I can’t see my glasses.  Another great reason to have 2 pair!

Quick poll for all you parents whose children have had their glasses long enough that you’re no longer on the edge of your seat all day long, ready to pick up flung glasses, and put them back on their faces.  So how long did it take your child to get used to their glasses, so that they’d leave them on reliably for at least a few hours at a time?

Feel free to vote more than once if you have more than one child in glasses.

Do you have any rules for glasses at your house?  I’ve come up with a few ideas, the first one even rhymes (I can’t take credit for that one, though, I’ve heard it a lot of times):

1. Glasses on your face, or in their case, on in the special glasses place.
2. When putting on or taking off your glasses, use both hands.
3. If your glasses are dirty, give them to an adult to clean.
   • As Zoe has gotten older and more responsible, she cleans her glasses herself, so the new rule is that she uses a special glasses cleaning cloth.
4. Tell a parent if your glasses are hurting or slipping down your face.

Rules for the adults in the house:

1. Always ask before taking Zoe’s glasses off.
2. Use both hands to take off her glasses, or put them on.
3. Put the glasses in their place or case when they’re off her face.  (Fun rhyme, but I’m really bad at this).

Rules for other kids

1. The glasses are off limits for playing, stealing, hiding, etc.  No exceptions!
2. If the glasses fall off while playing, everyone stops until they’re back on her face.

by, Rebecca of Mommy, Ever After

Something happened, recently;

In fact, many somethings.

My baby daughter became a kid;

She started to go to school;

She got recognized for her glasses.

Back in the early days, when her diagnoses, and spectacles, were so new,

my greatest fear was that she’d be judged.

I worried that she would be ridiculed

and prayed that she would not be marginalized.

I hoped that people would be able to look beyond the tiny, wire frames that sat upon her nose,

and not see a girl who was bespectacled,

but instead, a girl who was being spectacular.

I hoped. I wished. I waited.

And then, she grew up.

She started preschool.

She met children.

She made new friends.

And, by coincidence, we found out that another girl in her class had the very same name.

I wrestled with the idea of how to tackle the name situation, as I am in the role of both mother and teacher,

and with the girls being so young, I wanted to avoid as much confusion as possible.

Should I call by daughter by her full name, although she’s used to going by the abbreviation?

Should I tack on the first initial to their last name?

But, before I could come up with the right answer,

it was handed to me;

handed to me by two, tiny, sticky, toddler hands.

A little boy in the class, for whom my daughter has the utmost affection, began to ask for her on his drive to school in the morning.

His mother shared with me that as they would pull into the parking lot, he would ask for his teachers, the puppets, and my daughter.

And he would say her name, and then, to be absolutely clear, he would modify it, by saying,

“With glasses.”

His mother told me this with a smile.

Her son loved my daughter. His friend. His friend with glasses.

And when I heard this, I was overcome with great emotion.

For all those many days and weeks and months, I had felt so worried that my daughter would not be seen for who she was

for what she could do,

and here it was: The affirmation of my fears. My kid was the little girl who was known for having glasses, and even given a nickname, as such.

And as soon as her words hit me,

I felt

absolutely

nothing

but

love.

I thought it was precious.

I felt grateful.

I felt proud.

Because for me, her glasses are just one of the many things that maker her special. And they make her special to her new friend. And they have absolutely nothing to do with why he loves her.

He loves her because she shares his obsession with animals. He loves her because they do puppet shows for one another. He loves her because they sit quietly together, in the corner, and read books. And he loves her enough to have a nickname for her. And it is true. She’s with glasses,

but she’s also with so much more.

 

In honor of Thanksgiving Day here in the US tomorrow, I’ve been thinking about what I’m thankful for:

• A pediatrician who took seriously our concerns about Zoe’s eyes crossing.
• A pediatric ophthalmologist who we trust, and who really spends time with Zoe and knows her and her eyes.
• Patient opticians who have adjusted Zoe’s glasses countless times, and who have provided so much wonderful advice on the selection and care of glasses.
• Microfiber cloths, that are scattered throughout our house, so they’re always on hand to clean the always dirty lenses.
• Glasses that help Zoe see (and that are darn cute to boot)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  What are you thankful for?

This question came in as a comment from Misty on the last post.  Danielle was kind enough to write up a reply.  -Ann Z

Question:
My 26 month old son chews on the rubber nosepads on his metal frames.  I’ve lost count on how many times we’ve had them replaced.  Nothing seems to work.  The tech at the doctor says that he’s going to have to start charging me for them since we’ve cost them a small fortune.  I’ve tried soaking them in vinegar so he doesn’t like the taste and we’ve given him other things to chew on.  Nothing has worked.  Any suggestions.

…

Answer:
No worries, any optician who has dealt with children knows that this happens from time to time. It is just a phase or a new habit. Quite frankly, I know that it is more bothersome for the parent then it is for me. Changing nose pads only takes a few minutes and they cost pennies for me, but as a mom and a dad you have to take the time to come in and deal with the scrapes on your child’s nose because the pads are all chewed up. I know this is frustrating, but there is something you can do
First, let me explain that there are several types of nose pads. Each one is made out of a different material. I’ll list them here from the softest and more comfortable pads to the hardest pads (or we could say from the chewiest to least chewiest)

1. Silicone
2. Silicone with metal insert
3. Vinyl
4. Vinyl with metal insert
5. Solid Plastic
6. Solid Metal

The plan is to start from the top of the list and work your way down until you find the pad that your child doesn’t want to chew on any longer. I guarantee you child will not be able to chew the solid metal ones. I know the temptation is to go right to the solid metal ones, but I have found this is not the best approach. The softer nose pads are more comfortable and as you go down each level you are giving up some on comfort. The last thing we want is your child to not want to wear their glasses because they are uncomfortable. Once your child stops chewing for a couple of weeks the habit will be broken and you can return to the softer pads.

but the MOST important of things was this:

a very special new accessory for Bitty Baby.

Phew! My two tiniest girls are twins, again.

(Full disclosure, when I bought these Bitty Baby glasses, I got choked up. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t happy. I was just choked up. Just because it is a thing.  Hey, what can I say? It has certainly gotten easier, but it’s not always easy. I guess motherhood never is.)

Ok, Bitty Baby…time to Bespectacular.

Originally published on Mommy, Ever After

I have to admit something;

In my career as a mommy, there have been moments that I am not proud of.

Like this weekend, when I told my husband that he just had to watch the baby for a few minutes. I had something important to do.

(Really, I just had to go down to the kitchen and eat cookie dough straight from the refrigerator).

Maybe not my finest moment.

Or later that evening, when we took my daughter out to dinner.

As walked up and down the sidewalk, waiting for our food to be ready, we were stopped by a couple and their young son.

“I have to ask, how do you get her to keep her glasses on?” Asked the woman, lounging in her chair.

And in the same breath, she choked, “But she’s still sooo cute.”

And, in that moment, I loathed her. Loath is too kind a word. I hated her. I didn’t hate her for the question. The question is fair enough. In fact, it is the second most popular question we get.

I hated her for the implication. For the tone.

Why shouldn’t my daughter still be cute? She is beautiful. She is perfect. The glasses are irrelevant. Are you saying they’re not?

My words were acrid in my mouth as I responded to the woman.

“She keeps them on because she can’t see very well without them.”

And then I walked away.

My blood felt hot and my stomach felt heavy.

I did not feel particularly proud of that.

***

But, if I’m being honest, there was another moment.

A moment that I am nearly too afraid to describe.

A moment that was so painful and confusing and embarrassing that it still makes my heart hurt.

I was taking my daughter for a walk. We strolled around a beautiful, outdoor shopping complex, and as I pushed my precious girl in her stroller, we chatted and she laughed with me. I felt so happy. I felt love.

And as we walked, I saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. She looked up, studied my daughter and smiled. But, for an instant, I thought I caught a glimpse of her face contorting…I thought I saw another emotion begin to creep across her features…

And that’s when it happened;

My least proud moment:

I worried that this woman, this pregnant vessel to a new life soon to be born, was looking at my daughter and hoping that her baby wouldn’t have to have glasses like mine. I thought I saw pity in her eyes.

And then, I died inside.

Not because I cared what the woman thought–

not at all–

but because I hated myself for letting my mind go to that horrible, terrible, scary place.

I felt ashamed.

I did not feel proud on that day.

So, I gave myself a time out.

I asked myself why I read sadness or fear in the mist that had gathered in the pregnant woman’s eyes.

And in my time out, I recognized that while I have totally grown to love and accept my daughters eyes,

all four of them,

it still hurts sometimes.

It hurt when the woman in the restaurant this weekend asked me how my daughter kept her glasses on.

And it didn’t hurt because of what she was saying and how she said it,

even though it felt that way at the time;

it hurt because of how I had to answer:

“She keeps them on because she can’t see very well without them.”

It hurts. It hurts that my daughter has eyes that don’t work perfectly. It hurts that at night, when I tuck her into bed, kiss her, and tell her how much I love her, that I have to remove her glasses from her face, stealing her sight from her as she drifts towards slumber.

It breaks my heart.

But in my time out, I realized something else; I am allowed to feel crummy. I am allowed to look into the scariest depths of my anxieties, as long as I can shake them off and go on living. Because the truth is, my daughter can see.

The truth is, she looks adorable in her little pink frames with her magnified eyes.

The truth is, the pregnant woman was probably looking at my daughter with misty eyes because she was thinking,

I can’t believe I will soon have one of those. A child with whom I can walk around and talk and laugh with on a beautiful day. How lucky I am. How lucky they are.

***

And so, this weekend, as we strolled up and down the sidewalk waiting for our food to arrive, I shot a smile down to the woman who had asked about my daughter’s glasses. She didn’t mean any harm, after all. And when Another young couple with a little girl stopped us to say how cute my daughter was, I felt wonderful, and the smile that spread across my face was genuine and bright. And when they complimented her on her adorable glasses and fabulous shoes, I felt happy, as I told them, “Yes, my little girl sure does know how to accessorize an outfit.”

And once again, I felt proud.